The lies we tell
by Carroline17
Summary: When Elena finds out Stefan is cheating, their decade-long marriage slowly falls apart. Heartbroken and confused, Elena tries to pick herself up and save her marriage for her children's sake. But Elena's attempts are hindered when her first love, Damon, returns to town and into her life. She is shocked to realize that their love's flame never went out and burns brighter than ever.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

 **-Elena-**

* * *

 _'We can destroy ourselves by cynicism and disillusion just as effectively as by bombs'_

 _Kenneth Clark_

* * *

Waking up with a headache is a bad enough way to start your Monday.

But waking up with a headache and someone knocking on the front door a hundred times in a row... well, that is just hell.

I struggled to find my slippers as I put on my robe, half-wishing I were dead, and ran down the stairs to the front door. Whoever it was, they were very driven.

I half-expected to see a policeman as I opened the front door but instead it was just Caroline Forbes – my over-the-top, annoyingly perfect and OCD-driven friend. Did I forget to mention she looked like a Runway model?

'Good morning sunshine! I brought bagels!' I overcame my desire to shut the door in her face and instead opened it widely to let her in.

'Caroline, it's 7.30 in the morning...' I said, feeling exhausted. She replied with an immense grin and made her way to my kitchen.

'I know, isn't it a beautiful day?' She sang. I glanced outside and frowned – I hadn't bothered to acknowledge the weather the whole weekend.

'It's raining...' I grumpily said and went straight for the kettle to make some coffee. I was so not a morning person.

'Mood should not be defined by the weather.' Caroline chirpily said and I internally groaned.

'Clearly you're up in a good mood. What's up?' I didn't really want her here right now.

'Wow, that was heartfelt.' As I heard her sarcastic tone I felt awful.

'I'm sorry. I just meant... we don't usually meet at 7.30 on a Monday.' Her expression made me think she realized it was an inconvenient wake-up call.

'Well, if you'd bother to call more often I wouldn't have to visit at the only time I know you'll let me in without putting up a fight.' Her gentle tone made me feel even worse.

'I'm sorry Caroline. I haven't been a good friend lately.' I got two mugs out and turned around to face her.

'I just...' She looked at me as if I were a hurt puppy.

'I know, Elena. Trust me – I understand. I've been through this as well, remember?'

How could I forget? When Klaus cheated on Caroline with Hayley, my heart wept for her. She was devastated – didn't get out of bed for a whole week. Bonnie and I even had to barge in on her to make sure she hadn't done something stupid. I quickly shook those thoughts out of my head.

'I do remember.' I simply said.

'Look, I'm not trying to be that person, but you can't keep doing this to yourself.' I turned around as the kettle boiled and carried on preparing the coffee.

'I'm doing my best Caroline.' I said avoiding her stare.

'I know you are – and I am not criticizing... but it's been 3 months Elena.' I dropped the spoon out of my hands as she said that and turned around to look at her. She went on wearily.

'I know that when I went through this I wasn't much better but... at a certain point you have to let him go if you can't forgive him.' I struggled to keep a straight face as she said that.

'It's different for us, Caroline.' Her expression visibly softened.

'I know it is. Klaus and I weren't married – we didn't have any kids.' Her mentioning my children made my stomach clench in knots.

'It's not just that, Caroline... Klaus had a one-night drunken stand. It didn't mean anything – even I understood that. But Stefan...' I felt like I was going to choke on the words so I never said them. Caroline did for me.

'He had been seeing that slut for a year when you found out.' I could feel my chest contracting as I heard the hard truth from my best friend.

'We've been married for 10 years Caroline.' Tears sprung out all of a sudden and I stifled the desire to sob. Caroline made her way towards me in a rush.

'Oh, Elena, I'm sorry I brought it up.' Caroline gently said as she hugged me.

'No – it's okay. I'm sorry... I thought it'd get easier as time went by but it just hasn't.'

'Listen to me.' She said in a gentle but firm tone. I wiped my tears away and focused on her face.

'You can't keep doing this to yourself. Sleeping half the day, staying indoors the whole weekend when the kids aren't around, avoiding your friends... When was the last time you wrote something?!' I had a part time job as a writer for a women's magazine, but the rest of the time I used to spend writing my book. Lately I hadn't written a single word.

'You sound like a mom.' I complained trying to avoid her question.

'I am genuinely concerned about you.' I hated this whole situation.

'I know you are. But I'm fine. Or if I'm not right now, I will be soon enough. I promise you.' I'm not sure she bought it but I carried on trying to change the subject.

'How come Bonnie isn't here with you?' Caroline's expression suddenly changed and I though I spotted guilt for a split second.

'Well, let's just say she's been a bit... distracted lately.' I involuntarily grinned as I understood Caroline's reference to Jeremy, my brother.

'I can't believe my little brother and best friend are together – I'm so happy for them.' They had been on and off ever since high school. Recently they had re-united at a party we threw for Stefan's birthday. Although Bonnie was a few years older than Jeremy they seemed to just work together.

'Me too. I just wish I could stop hearing about it so much from Bonnie.' Caroline literally cringed and I couldn't help but laugh.

'What do you mean?' I asked her on purpose knowing how bad she hated hearing about my brother and her.

'Well, let's just say the last time we talked I had to wash my ears with soap after hearing about the french maid costume she bought from Ann Summers.' And that made me cringe instantly.

'Ok, gross – I don't want to hear any more details about my brother's sex life.' Caroline giggled as I was genuinely disgusted. Never again will I ask...

'Well, if it helps, I think Bonnie's keeping him really happy these days...' Caroline went on making fun of me.

'Are you going to make another dirty joke?' I loved the woman but she had a bad habit these days – I personally blamed it on Klaus.

'No, I was actually going to let you in on a little secret.' Oh, do tell Car'...

'What is that?'

'Jeremy is going to propose.' I literally dropped the spoon I was holding for the coffee on the floor. The silence that came until Caroline spoke was deafening.

'What did you say?' I asked in shock. Caroline's grin got even wider if that were possible.

'We went over the weekend to New York and I helped him pick a diamond ring for Bonnie.' She showed me a picture of it on her phone. It was... wow!

'Oh my God, it's beautiful.'

'I know right? I was a little shocked that he wants to propose so quickly though...' I wasn't...

'They're meant to be together. They always have been.'

Just like Stefan and I had been meant to be together. Or at least I thought we were.

'Elena, are you alright?' Caroline asked, pulling me out of my day dream.

'Yeah, I'm fine Car'. Thanks for letting me know.' She could sense me being hurt by this whole thing.

'Oh, Elena, he wanted to tell you but...' I waved it off and smiled.

'It's fine, Caroline, I understand. I'm so happy for them – there's no need to explain.' In earnest ever since I had kicked Stefan out of the house Jeremy had avoided boasting about Bonnie knowing how much I was going through.

'So tell me, when is he going to propose?'

'I'm not sure – he didn't want to tell me that.'

'Sounds about right – my brother's always been a romantic.' And with that, the subject was officially closed.

'I assume the kids aren't here.' Caroline said as she sipped from her decaff.

'No, they were with Stefan this weekend. He took them to school today so they'll be coming back this afternoon. It'll be nice to have them around again.'

The rest of our conversation I can't really say I remember that well - my heart wasn't really in it. As Caroline left for work I was left all alone in our home, wondering when everything had gotten so shitty.

My brother was getting engaged to my best friend – and I didn't even know. A migraine commenced as the realization kicked in. When had I stopped being a part of his life? Or my friends' lives for that matter? When had I stopped being myself and turned into this depressed housewife?

I hadn't wanted to admit it, but ever since Stefan had cheated I had let myself go big time. My hair and nails were unkempt, the dark circles underneath my eyes were getting bigger and I could've sworn I had gained some weight as well. Not surprising given that I wasn't exercising regularly anymore.

I shuddered as I looked at myself in the mirror. As much as I hated to admit it – Caroline was right. I was in denial. I was unhappy. I was not living my life anymore. It felt like I was playing a role in a movie – the one where my marriage goes to hell so my entire life should follow.

As I sat down at my desk, the photographs of my parents caught my attention. Shame poured over me as I realized what a disappointment I'd become. They wouldn't have wanted this life for me. They had wanted me to be happy.

I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Why did I want to forgive Stefan so badly for what he'd done? Sure, we were married, and I loved him but why couldn't I just let it go instead of torturing myself like this? I instantly knew – because of my kids. No matter what happened, my kids' happiness would always be above mine. And no matter how much their father had hurt me, I would do my best to forgive him – no matter how long it would take.

I took a long hard look in the mirror. For a second I wondered if I was just lying to myself – was this just another lie? Saving my marriage for the sake of my children... was I really trying to do that? Part of me shuddered as I feared I was doing this for a whole different reason – that had nothing noble or good about it.

I slowly pulled out my journal and flicked to the end page where I always kept that photo of us. There he was – his raven-black hair, ocean-blue eyes and that cocky grin that had made my heart flutter so many times. I briefly wondered where he was – not a day passed when I didn't wonder, when my heart didn't ache because of guilt and torment. I couldn't even think about his name without my heart aching.

I felt like such a hypocrite. When I found out Stefan had been cheating on me I was devastated and essentially had a nervous breakdown which resulted into kicking him out of our home. But this right here – looking at his brother's picture every single day and wondering if I would ever see him again – wasn't this just as bad, or even worse than what he'd done to me? A tear came down as I quickly shoved the photo back in my journal and took it out of my sight. I wouldn't go down memory lane again – not today.

Instead, for the first time in forever, I put on my trainers and exercise gear and went out running in the pouring rain. By the end of a 10 km run, I was barely breathing. But somewhere during those 10 km I decided I wouldn't be defeated. One way or the other, I would get over this – whatever it was that I was going through. If not for me, then for my kids.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **\- Stefan -**

* * *

 _'Trust is like a paper. Once it's crumbled it can never be perfect again.'_

 _Unknown author_

* * *

I dropped Connor and Olivia off at their weekly swimming lessons when I decided to ring my friend Lexi. She agreed to meet up with me at the Starbucks nearest to the swimming hall. I loved my kids like nothing else on this planet but lately... well, ever since their mum and I separated, I couldn't seem to make them smile like before. It was the worst feeling ever and I hated myself for putting them through this. They deserved better but despite my constant efforts to talk to Elena, her shield was always up. No matter what I did, I simply couldn't get through to her.

I loved having my kids with me every weekend – it gave me an opportunity to spend time with them but I knew it also helped Elena be alone with her thoughts and feelings. She had seemed very fragile the last time I had seen her. I could tell that having the kids all to herself without my help around the house was tough. So I tried to keep the kids with me as much as I could, though my schedule as a surgeon was quite demanding. I prayed that she would reconsider and give me another shot but at this point in time I wasn't sure anymore. Which is why I called my best friend Lexi to talk to her about everything. So far, the conversation wasn't going exactly the way I had expected it to.

'What I don't get is how you couldn't keep it in your pants.' Lexi loudly said, drawing some curious glances from the serving girl. I cringed as she placed the coffee on our table and literally ran away.

'Lexi, can you please refrain from saying that here?' I could see she didn't like my scolding but she shook her head and complied.

'You've been married for 10 years Stefan. And you have _two kids_!' Everyone seemed to be angry at me.

'I know that very well, Lexi.' I said sighing.

'So... you just decided that you would throw it all away?' Her nonchalant tone made me angry.

'Please don't go there. I've been scolded by everyone that I've talked to about this. The only being that hasn't scolded me yet is my cat.'

'That's because it can't talk. I saw the way it was looking at you the last time I came over. I suggest you kick it out until it murders you in your sleep.' I couldn't help but marvel at her words.

'You're being ridiculous.' Her tone turned icy.

'And you shagging Rebecca wasn't?' I wish I could say that hearing that name didn't affect me anymore but it still did. Big time. I wish I could just erase everything that had happened. But I couldn't and it would always haunt me.

'It was a mistake.' I managed to meekly reply.

'A mistake that was repeated day after day for a whole year?' That stung even more. Being reminded of what I'd done was bad enough but the disappointment in her voice and expression felt like the worst slap.

'It wasn't like that... I meant to stop... I...' I was at a loss for words. ' I never meant to hurt Elena.'

'That sounded heartfelt.' Sarcasm had always been a trait I loved in Lexi. Not when it was directed towards me.

'I've apologized to Elena a hundred times. She refuses to listen to me.'

'Well if you did it in that tone, I'm not surprised she kicked you out on the street.'

'She hasn't kicked me out. We are not getting divorced.'

'You haven't slept home in three months.' That felt like another kick.

'We're just separated. She needs some time to think.' I stubbornly said.

'Yeah, to think about how much money to get out of your sorry ass when she divorces you.'

'I'm sorry, I had you confused with my loving friend. Is she here somewhere?!' Her attitude still didn't change though.

'Sorry Stef, my sympathy for you went out the door when Elena and I found Rebecca under your desk giving you a blowjob.' Hearing those words made me cringe and turn crimson red. I shuddered at the memory of her mouth around my penis.

'Are you gonna be hanging that above my head for the rest of my life?' I said slightly resentfully.

'Probably a bit longer than the blowjob you got from that bitch.' She was just torturing me know. I honestly knew I deserved this – I had indeed been terrible to Elena, I'd broken her heart and embarrassed her, and I couldn't take it back. But this felt like it would go on for my entire life.

'How crude can you get?'

'Not as crude as you deserve given the circumstances.'

'You sound worse than my own wife.' I spat back annoyed.

'This is nothing. If Lee did to me what you did to Elena, I'd cut his dick off in his sleep.'

'Ok, Lexi, you are officially scaring me.' She jokingly smiled in response.

'Don't get me wrong, Stefan... I don't want Elena to do that to you. I'm just surprised at how calmly she is handling things.' That made me huff in response.

'Calmly? She set my clothes on fire in the backyard.'

'You're lucky that's all she set on fire.' Lexi replied, leaving me stunned. I shook my head and despite her attitude I needed to talk to her about what bothered me.

'She texted me today.'

'Who, Elena?'

'No, my other wife.' I said feeling exasperated by Lexi's mocking.

'You think you're funny, Stefan, but you aren't.' She jokingly said shoving me.

'What did she want?' The words didn't come out easily.

'She wanted me to keep the kids for another couple of days.' For the first time in the evening I received a frown from Lexi. And her tone became serious all of a sudden.

'That's odd. She can hardly wait to get her kids back.'

'My thoughts exactly.' I said, sipping my drink.

'You think something's wrong with her?' Her tone had suddenly become worried.

'No.' I said pausing. 'I think she may want some time to discuss with a divorce lawyer.' A wave of silence fell upon both of us. All of a sudden Lexi was out of jokes. Instead she placed her hand on mine and squeezed it hard.

'I'm sorry if that's the case.' She said in a gentle tone.

'I've really fucked things up, haven't I?' I said and had to try very hard to abstain from just crying in front of her.

'Hey... don't beat yourself up, everyone else is doing that already.' She replied trying to make me feel better.

'You know, Stefan... you weren't the only person in that marriage. You should remember that – it takes two to wreck a marriage. Even if you were the one who cheated... Elena isn't a saint, we both know that.' I knew what she meant, yet I couldn't judge her actions on the same level as me cheating. Not now, not ever.

'But she has been kind and loving towards me.'

'You still love her.' She said and her tone was surprised.

'Of course I do. I think I'll always love her regardless of what she decides.'

'Just wait and see what happens. Don't be too rash. Patience in key right now.'

'Thank you, Lexi.' Even if I wasn't sure I could give her as much space and time as she needed, I knew Lexi was right – and I would really try. Suddenly, she got up and smiled at me.

'I'm sorry Stefan but I actually need to go. Julia has piano lessons I need to pick her up from.' Julia was Lexi's only child from her previous marriage.

'Why isn't Lee picking her up?'

'Because, contrary to what most people believe, my husband has a job of his own.' It made me smile whenever she mentioned Lee. I couldn't remember the last time Lexi had been so happy about someone.

'Fair enough. Send my best to him.'

'Will do, Stefan. You take care, ok?' She hugged me tightly and was off in a rush, leaving me alone with my maddening thoughts.

* * *

The next day, after picking the kids up from school I drove them back home to their mother.

Pulling the car to a halt in our driveway made my insides turn to gum. I couldn't help but dread the moment Elena would open the front door. Since we'd separated, every time I saw her she oscillated between being unhappy and an emotional wreck. I was ashamed to even think about criticizing the way she dealt with the situation. But the fact was that it was starting to affect our children as well. And I just didn't know how to make things better anymore.

As the front door opened I expected to witness hurt and anger. Instead, the woman who appeared in front of us looked anything but hurt and angry. I felt my jaw dropping and another part of my body tensing up in response to her. I had to focus very hard to calm myself down in front of our kids.

'Mommy, you look different!' Olivia's excited comment was an understatement.

'Yeah... like good different.' So was Connor's.

She didn't look good different though. She looked amazing different.

I was shocked to realize she had her hair cut and she was now the proud owner of a fringe. Strangely enough it suited her face. She had also gotten red highlights in her hair. As she hugged our kids, I could see that heir nails were done in a matching dark red color. There was something else different. Her dress. Her figure-hugging sleeveless blue dress. She was mesmerizing.

I had never thought Elena was a conventional mother - you know, the type of housewives that never wore clothes suited to their figure, the ones that were always covered in peanut butter. No, she had always had a good fashion sense. But she had never dressed the way she looked tonight. I couldn't place my finger on it - it was like she had stepped in a time machine and gone back ten years. I finally realized what the change was really about - she looked happier. And it was the most beautiful thing to behold. She caught my eyes and her grin slowly disappeared.

'Why don't you kids say goodbye to your dad and go inside? I made muffins.'

'The double chocolate ones?' Squeaked Olivia.

'Those very ones.' I wondered when she had last baked them.

'Bye, dad. See you on Friday.' Connor said and high-fived me before running inside carrying his sister in his arms. An awkward silence fell between us before I finally got the balls to break it.

'Hi.' I said not being able to look away from her beautiful face.

'Hi.' She gently replied.

'You look... amazing.' I blurted out and cursed myself for putting her in an awkward situation. Instead she seemed flattered.

'Thank you.' Her smile was timid but it gave me courage.

'Is everything alright?' She closed the front door behind her and came closer to me.

'Stefan, we need to talk.' From my limited experience with women, that was never a good sign.

'I'm listening.'

'I've decided we should try to give it another go, to make this marriage work. For our children's sake.' I felt like I hadn't heard her right.

'Elena, are you sure about this?' She looked me straight in the eye as she replied.

'I'm positive.' I simply couldn't help my grin.

'There is nothing that could make me happier right now.' I said and made a step towards her. Her stance turned awkward and she raised a hand to stop me in my tracks.

'I have two conditions though.'

'Anything.' I said in a heartbeat.

'First... I want _her_ out of your office.' I cringed as I thought of Rebecca.

'She was fired after... what happened.' I managed to blurt out in a strained tone. Part of me still felt guilty for getting her fired when I was very well off.

'She has relocated from what I've heard.' She curtly nodded.

'Good. That solves that problem then.' Elena said avoiding my gaze.

'What is the second condition?'

'Marriage counselling.' It wasn't anything that I couldn't live through.

'We'll do as much counselling as you want.' My overly eager reply made her smile just a tiny bit. I knew what her answer to my next question would be but I just had to ask.

'Elena, is there any way... What I mean is... do you think that I could... move back in?' Her tone was gentle but firm.

'Not just yet... I, ummm... I need some time to trust you again.'

I had realized getting back together – if she ever wanted to try – would be difficult for both of us. But hearing that her trust in me didn't exist anymore was unbearable.

I knew though that if I had even the slightest chance of making this work I needed to swallow up my pride and hurt and act like a man. So that's exactly what I did – silently nodded in response to her words and gently answered.

'You take all the time you need. I'll be right here waiting.' With that, I left her standing on our front porch. The very porch that she would stand on every morning I would leave for work and she would give me a goodbye kiss.

How in God's name I had managed to cheat on this beautiful woman, the mother of my children, I would never know. I had destroyed her trust in me and now I wasn't sure we would manage to get over this whole mess I created. But I knew one thing... I sure as hell would not give up on us too easily.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 **\- Damon -**

* * *

 _Running away from your problems is a race you never win._

 _Unknown author_

* * *

It feels like I've always been on the road. And that isn't exactly a lie. As I drive by the sign announcing 'Mystic Falls' I can't help but feel like I've arrived home.

The town looks unchanged in many ways. If you look more carefully you can see there are subtle changes – a new porch swing here, a freshly painted bench or a planted tree there – but the town is virtually in the same state as the day I left it.

I drive my Cadillac up to the Salvatore house and slowly turn the key to silence my dear old friend. When I got off that plane and saw it waiting for me at the airport I internally did a back flip with joy. This car had been with me through thick and thin.

When the engine stops I am left with an overwhelming sense of deja-vu. The surroundings fill my heart with comfort, a sentiment that I've longed for each and every day I was out on the field.

It has been ten years since I last set foot in Mystic Falls. I look at my childhood home and somehow feel like nothing has changed. The years haven't been kind to it though. There is something about it – the old is preserved but it almost seems like it's been deserted. I shake off that thought and open the door.

As I walk out of the car with my duffle bag hanging off my arm I inhale the smell of lime trees and take in the green. It's raining lightly and I my clothes are getting soaked. But I carry on standing in the rain, silently enjoying it.

Truth be told, it's been five years since I've felt rain on my skin. And I never imagined I would miss it this much.

I slowly walk up to the porch, reminiscing about all the times Stefan and I had run around playing our favorite army game. Our mother would scold us for fighting with our toy weapons and we would run into the woods carrying on with our little game, unnecessarily causing her to worry. I involuntarily smile and find myself wishing I had written to Stefan, letting him know I was coming home.

I knock on the door and wait for my dear mother to answer – I know it will be a while until she hears so I carry on knocking. She is probably in the kitchen preparing one of her lovely meals, or maybe she is up in the attic painting. She always used to love doing that.

Yet five minutes go by and nothing happens – no sound escapes from the house, nor any sign of movement. All of a sudden I realize that the lights are all off, that the grass hasn't been cut in weeks, and that there is a pile of letters in the mail box.

Something doesn't feel right.

I reluctantly pull out my mobile phone and dial Stefan's number. I have no idea what I would tell him if he answered but I am more worried about what he might say about our mother. But he never answers. The call goes directly to voicemail and I know it's because he is at work right now. A top-notch legal firm will do that to you. I almost curse his job before realizing there is still someone else in Mystic Falls that I can talk to.

Five minutes later I am pulling up in front of the high-school hoping that Alaric is still working here. The rain has stopped and all of a sudden I see a wave of teenagers pouring out of the building onto the streets – cheerleaders, jocks, nerds and the 'emos' as they call themselves nowadays. One noisier than the other. You'd think I'd be used to noise after the last decade of hell I've been through but nothing could be worse than this.

For the first time in my life I feel old. I'm only 33 years old yet I somehow feel older – like my youth went out the window during all these years.

As I walk through the halls I once owned 15 years ago I see my best friend at the end of the corridor. He is dressed in his signature checkered shirt and a dark blue vest on top, wearing his dorky glasses. I wave but he doesn't see me at first – perhaps I'm not the only one who is showing signs of old age.

'Damon?' He asks freezing when he recognizes me.

'Damon, is that really you?' I keep on walking towards him and can't help my smile.

'What's the matter, Ric? You look like you've seen a ghost.' His mouth hangs open and all of a sudden he wakes out of his daze.

He grins and lunges over to capture me in a bear hug.

'You son of a bitch – you're really here!' We embrace for a while, and I feel like I've reunited with a brother, not only my best friend.

'I am.' And it is such a good feeling.

'How long has it been?' He asks staring at me.

'Too long, my friend.'

Ten years to be exact.

'You don't look any different.' His observation sounds more like an accusation.

I huff in response. He looks at me more carefully.

'Well... your beard is gone and your hair is much shorter but aside from that you look just the same.' I may not look that different but I definitely feel different.

'Yeah, they didn't let me keep the beard. Or my golden locks.' I sarcastically say and we both laugh.

'When did you get back anyway?'

'Today.' Ric seems surprised.

'Why didn't you write to say you were coming back?'

'Truth be told, I didn't know I would be coming back.' It took a long time to decide that coming back was the right decision.

'It's so good to see you, man. We should go out for a drink.'

'I'd love to. But before that I need to ask you something.' Ric's grin disappears as he senses the seriousness in my tone.

'Of course.' I hesitate for just a second.

'Is my mother alright? I... just stopped by our house and she wasn't there. Place looked deserted.' Seeing Ric shifting his weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other makes me anxious.

'Damon, you don't know?' He asks scratching the back of his head.

'Know what?'

'Your mom... she is in a care home in Atlanta.'

'What?!' Ric has a sheepish look about him.

'I thought Stefan told you.' And that right there sets off my switch. Of course it had something to do with Stefan... My silence encouraged him to carry on.

'She was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's.' It took me a while to process that piece of information.

It all suddenly made sense to me. Throughout all of those years mother had always responded to each and every one of the letters I sent her. She was the only person I bothered to write to. Lately she hadn't replied as often and in the past months I'd only gotten a couple of letters from her. Apparently this was why.

'No, Stefan never told me. We haven't talked ever since I left.' Somehow a decade hadn't been enough to take away the pain.

'I'm so sorry, Damon...' Alaric said, encouragingly patting me on the back.

'It's alright, man.' It took me a second to gather my thoughts and control my emotions.

'How long has it been since Stefan moved her there?'

'Six months.' Too long. Had I known I could've come back sooner...

'I can't believe it.'

'It was quite sudden – I don't know the details but I found out from Stefan. He came to get her things from your house after he moved her. He seemed quite upset about it. Actually he seemed like a mess altogether – I'm not sure that was the only thing wrong with him but I didn't want to pry.'

That didn't surprise me. I had just found out about mother and felt like a complete mess. Stefan actually had to deal with the situation and personally take care of our mother, making all of the decisions. He must have been scared out of his mind. But then again, _she_ had probably been there for him. She had always been there for him.

'Do you know which nursing home she's in?'

'I do – Jenna still keeps in touch with Lillian.' Jenna – Elena's aunt. I had to try very hard to avoid focusing on that for now. Realization hit me then.

'Jenna... so is she...?' A huge grin appeared on Ric's face.

'My wife?' He asks showing me his wedding ring. Last time we had seen each other he was pining over Jenna who was dating this other guy. They were good friends but he had always loved her. I remember telling him to get over her and find someone else. Not I am so darn happy he didn't follow my advice.

'Congratulations, man.' I say hugging him again.

'And the mother of my children.' He proudly says and instinctively pulls out his wallet where he has photos of all of them.

'These are Jake and Miranda - twins.' His kids can't be older than five; the girl looks just like Jenna and the boy an identical copy of Alaric. They look like a perfect family. And Alaric cannot stop grinning looking at his photos. It strikes me how much he has changed since we last spoke.

'I'm so happy for you, man. I'm sorry I wasn't here to be part of all of this.' The sadness in my voice speaks loud and clear. Ric shoots me a sympathetic look.

'You were busy fighting for our country. There could be nothing more noble than that. You have nothing to regret. You couldn't have done anything for her.' Suddenly he is trying to comfort me about my mother. He is as good a friend as anyone could dream of.

'Yeah...' I reply not knowing what else to say. I'm still quite rattled up.

'Do you still wanna go out for that drink?'

'Actually, can we take a rain check on the drinks?' I stop and then I hesitate.

'There is somebody I need to see first.'

'Of course.' He replies patting me on the back.

An hour later, as the city lights in Atlanta start to be visible from my car I can't help but think back on Ric's words - _'You have nothing to regret' -_ and how they left a bitter taste in my mouth. The truth is I have a lot of regrets... some of them I managed to leave back in the deserts of Afghanistan among the raging war and atrocities I had witnessed. Some of them still haunted me in the dead of the night, one of them more than all the others.

Alaric said I had done my duty and couldn't have helped my mother anyway. And he was right. But the truth is that I sacrificed ten years of my life to run away from my fears, from my broken heart, from her... It took all of my willpower to walk away and let them live their life in peace – the only way I had known how to do that was by running away as far as I could, hiding on the other side of the world hoping that I would forgive and forget. Yet I had also hurt my mother and brother in the process.

I couldn't change the past, and I had learn to accept that. But I wasn't intending on living in the past amidst my fears and regrets anymore. One way or another I had to make amends for my mistakes and face my fears once and for all. I wasn't sure how I would achieve all of that, but one thing was for sure – I had to start somewhere.

Elena not wanting me anymore all those years ago had left me a hollow man. I tried with all my strength to change that yet I couldn't, and in the end didn't want to, for more than one reason. Somewhere along the way I had learned to live with it all, to accept that she would never be mine. But as much as I fought against it, losing her had changed me. More than I would ever like to admit.

As much as I hated it, avoiding her was no longer an option. Elena was part of my family and the moment I decided I would come back to rejoin my mother I decided I would face both her and Stefan.

It was time to leave the past in the past and start a new life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 **\- Elena -**

* * *

 _You never forget your first love._

* * *

 **Present Day**

After I dropped my kids at school I quickly made my way back home. I sat down at my desk and commenced to stare at the laptop. My boss – Jo Laughlin – had been more than understanding throughout the past months. She, more than anyone, noticed that my posts had become progressively depressing, even more so after Stefan stopped trying to move back into the house. The irony was that I wasn't even sure there was anything we could do for our marriage anymore. Yet in a strange way I didn't want him to stop trying to convince me; deep inside I knew that if he persisted one day he would make me change my mind.

My behaviour and reasoning? Sad verging on the pathetic, I realized that.

Yet I woke up this morning with a resolution – whatever happened with me and him, I couldn't let it affect my life anymore. At least not take over it completely. The beauty of hitting rock bottom is that you know it can't get any lower than that. In a way it is a strangely cathartic feeling once you realize there is no way to go but up.

At the end of the day I have my two beautiful children, my crazy friends, my darling brother and my career as a column writer. ' _Confessions about Love_ ' was my quarter-of-a-page weekly column in Atlanta magazine. Four years ago Jo had initially labelled it as a 'trail run' but after a couple of months reviews from the female readers were so positive that the editor decided it would stick. Now it was the second most popular page under the 'Life and Style' section.

Lately the column had run a bit dry, focusing on divorce, cheating and heartbreak, while my articles had sad titles such as ' _Should you forgive him_?', ' _Life after love_ ' and so on. But I planned on changing that altogether. Jo had told me to delve deep into my soul and go back to a time in my life when I had been happy. Although the columns had always reflected my current life, I knew the temporary side of things was still too painful to channel something positive into my articles. And my entire career depended on me turning the table on this bad situation.

As I opened my desk drawer I felt a strong sense of guilt. What was I doing? I took the photo album out and turned to the first page – to our first photo together. I was wearing a purple 70s dress with my hair tied back, and he was wearing a dark shirt looking more handsome than ever. He had his hand around my shoulders, holding me close to him even though we had just met. The beauty of the night we met came back to me so quickly that I couldn't help but relive it again.

 _ **September 1999**_

' _Guys, we are going to be late!' I anxiously said staring at the clock._

 _My two best friends Bonnie and Caroline were doing each other's hair and make-up and being massively late. I had gotten ready an hour earlier and since then had waited around for them to choose their outfits, make-up and hairdos. Our dorm had become a carefully orchestrated mess._

' _Relax, we're already late.' Bonnie said using the curling iron to curl her lashes._

' _It's out first college party...' I said in a huff trying not to annoy them. I had always been a time-keeping freak – that was one of the things my father had instilled in me._

' _We're supposed to be late. It's a rule – hot girls are always late, because they are worth waiting around for! All the hot guys know that.' Caroline said mischeviously._

' _I sometimes wonder how you and me are friends.' I said jokingly._

' _You're too innocent for your own good Elena.' I rolled my eyes hearing her response._

' _Leave her alone Care', better to be an angel like her than slutty like you.' Caroline's mouth dropped wide open and Bonnie and I hysterically laughed, given that Caroline did like to date around quite a bit._

' _Oooh, she's annoyed now.' Bonnie replied eyeing me cautiously._

' _I'm not annoyed – I'm just thinking how you two saints will react when I get a hot guy tonight.' There it was - that confidence we all loved to see in Caroline._

' _Think you're gonna find Mr. Right tonight, do you?' I asked jokingly._

' _Nope – because Mr Right doesn't exist.' She said as she applied the last stroke of mascara._

 _I couldn't help but feel sorry for Caroline. Her parents had gotten a divorce years ago after a long nasty period of fighting. Even though she would never admit it, it had left a lot of scars. She refused to believe in soulmates; she refused to believe in love – sex was apparently the best deal any girl could get out of a guy. Which she was planning on getting a lot of tonight by the looks of it._

' _That's it – I'm done!' She announced triumphantly._

' _Me too.' Added Bonnie and we were officially ready to go – finally!_

 _The party, a 70s themed bash, was a total bust. The music was so loud we couldn't even hear each other talk. By the time we got there we were two hours late (of course!) and half the people were already drunk. Bonnie and I didn't particularly find it appealing but we stayed for Caroline's sake – who surprisingly found the first hot guy ten minutes after we arrived and spent the rest of the night with him (and the morning after though she claims otherwise)._

 _But sometime before Caroline left off with the guy (I believe Jesse was his name) something extraordinary happened._

 _We were standing near the punch bowl giggling about two guys who were making a fool of themselves when someone waved in our direction. Before I knew it Bonnie sprinted from my side to hug this person at the other side of the room. The dim light and the multicolour disco lights made it difficult to see the other person clearly. As they started walking back towards me and Caroline I realized Bonnie was walking next to a tall, slim yet well-built guy._

 _When our eyes met something strange happened. I felt my insides turn to glue. He looked at me, his eyes widening just enough for me to notice. He smiled, and then looked towards Bonnie asking her something. When they got closer I noticed he had dark hair and blue eyes. He looked into my eyes again and I couldn't help but look away, turning my attention towards Caroline. That didn't help – when I turned around he was standing right in front of me. His eyes, I was surprised to notice, were actually blue-grey. And they were piercing me with an intensity I'd never before witnessed. All of a sudden I felt like I couldn't breathe._

' _Elena, Caroline, I would like you to meet Damon.' Bonnie said allowing me to shift my gaze to her._

 _Damon... Before I could say anything Caroline huffed._

' _Hello, Damon.' Her anger was something I did not expect to see tonight._

' _I'm sorry, have we met before?' Damon asked, reluctantly._

' _We have but I doubt you would remember.' Caroline almost sneered, turned around and left in a huff, chasing that other guy she'd met earlier._

' _Did I miss something?' Damon asked, seeming both awkward and confused._

' _That's just Caroline, ignore her. She probably flirted with you and you didn't flirt back.' Bonnie said laughing. Damon nodded in acknowledgement and smiled._

 _I let out a quiet awkward giggle. I felt ridiculously nervous around him._

' _It's nice to meet you, Damon.' I said and stupidly put my hand up to shake his. He smiled – the most crooked smile I'd ever seen in a guy._

' _It's great meeting you too, Elena.' And he grabbed my hand, holding it for a while in his, and making my insides melt._

' _How do you know Bonnie?' I asked trying to shift his focus off me._

' _Well, we know each other from highschool actually.' The way Bonnie said it made it sound like there was a double meaning to her words._

' _There it comes.' He said seeming in pain. It got me very curious._

' _Damon's from Mystic Falls. We attended the same high-school together but we never really got on.'_

 _'Oh, intrigue.' I replied smiling._

' _That's true – you weren't part of the cool gang.' Damon told Bonnie._

' _I wasn't a cheerleader is what Damon wants to say.' I couldn't help but laugh at their banter._

' _How did you come to be friends?'_

' _That is a very long story...' Damon said and I could just tell he was trying to avoid telling the story._

' _A story wh_ _ich involves him getting his clothes stolen at a party, and me helping his sorry ass.' Bonnie added and my mouth just dropped open. Damon seemed uncomfortable and closed his eyes shaking his head._

' _Well, there goes my cool image straight out the window.' He said, gesticulating in a very theatrical manner._

' _It's alright, Elena doesn't judge.' Bonnie said._

' _Oh, I think I'll judge you just a tiny bit.' I said snickering. His expression went from embarrassed to devilish._

' _I bet you did some crazy things yourself in highschool.' He said it in such a confident manner that it took me a while to understand._

 _I wasn't sure what he was implying, but it made me feel like a very bad girl. I could feel blood rising in my cheeks as he stared at me in a caring yet naughty way._

' _Not nearly as crazy as the sounds of your teen adventures.' Touche. He looked impressed and almost in awe._

 _Bonnie must have sensed that something was going on between us as she quickly excused herself leaving us all alone._

' _I've never met a girl like you.' His big blue eyes seemed so sincere when he said that... Yet he had 'bad boy' written all over him. And I was ashamed to say I liked it – more than I should._

' _And what kind of girl am I, Damon?' I asked calling his bluff._

' _You're a good girl who is trying to look bad and tough so that nobody breaks those walls you've tried so hard to build around you. In truth you're sensitive, kind, and very protective of your friend. You are good at reading people and hate it when others try to deceive you.' I looked at him feeling like all my defenses dissolved then and there. I felt oddly exposed. I felt vulnerable._

' _Lucky guess.' I said and he smiled, as if he'd known me for a lifetime. He got closer to me, leaned in and whispered in my ear making me shiver._

' _You're a small-town girl and you've never seen the real world. Despite trying to be just like everyone else and fit in, you secretly want passion, adventure and even a bit of danger in your life.'_

 _By the time he finished whispering I felt like I was holding my breath waiting for him to swoop me in his arms and run away with me._

 _I felt my head spinning realizing that somehow, against all odds this stranger knew me better than I knew myself. It seemed surreal, like something you would see in movies._

 _As he leaned back and looked at me with his gorgeous blue eyes I knew I was doomed. I realized this boy was trouble. Yet right then and there – he had won me over._

 _I had fallen head over feels for him - quickly, helplessly and all too much at once._

 **Present day**

As I started typing I felt like something inside me was coming back to life again. I silently promised myself that I would never delve into these memories again – if anything, it was dangerous and reckless of me. If the past decade had told me anything, it was that looking back never got me anywhere – it actually pulled me down, pulled me back. But I couldn't help but type, and the more I typed the more I knew it was the right thing.

 _ **The moment I laid my eyes on him I knew I was in love.**_

 _ **It was his cocky way of smiling, his somewhat cool yet sweet manner, his confidence that almost tipped towards arrogance. His beautiful piercing blue eyes. His way of reading me like an open book, knowing the meaning behind my every word and gesture.**_

 _ **Today I would like to revisit one of the romantic topics that are most endearing to all of us – the infamous'first love'. No matter how it begins, progresses or ends, our first love affects us the most, setting the scene for the rest of our love lives.**_

 _ **The thrills that go up and down your spine the moment he leans in and kisses you for the first time... The sound your heart makes in your chest when he first tells you that he loves you... The feeling when you realize that you cannot physically get closer to another human being than when you are in his arms...**_

 _ **First love is the most pure form of love, the most innocent expression of one's emotions. It is so intense because nobody else has ever owned a piece of your heart before. You find yourself giving your heart away so easily and completely, without any shred of doubt, without realizing how much you could get hurt. You trust the other person with your everything – your heart, your dreams, your disillusions. Wholeheartedly, without hesitation.**_

 _ **First love is being naive and silly. It's about being a dreamer when the world around you is full of cynics and non-believers. First love gives you wings to touch the sky, and makes you think that nothing could be better in this life. Even when it breaks your heart and makes you wish it had never happened, you can't help but look back and have fond memories of the time spent together. The truth is... you can never forget your first love.**_

 _ **Let us all take a moment to remember our first loves – a happier, sunnier, hopeful time. Some of us may not have done this in a very long time. Some might not have seen them in decades, while others may have remained friends with their firsts. And a few of us may still wake up every single morning next to their first love.**_

 _ **How lucky are they?**_

I looked back at the draft and couldn't help but smile. It felt more optimistic – more real. It still needed a lot of work, but I think I had captured the overall message I wanted to send across.

Part of me felt like I was betraying Stefan for writing this article. Another part of me felt relief – that I could finally get this off my chest. One of the reasons I had always loved writing was because I could lay all my thoughts onto paper, make them come to life, transpose my emotions and beliefs into a story, and hopefully help others by sharing my experiences.

I glanced towards the clock and knew it was time to go. Thirty minutes later, on the other side of Atlanta, I was pulling in front of Meredith Fell's centre. I felt strangely nervous as I got out of the car. Whether I was nervous because I didn't believe this would work I couldn't say. I saw Stefan waiting outside, looking even more nervous than me, and I calmed down a bit. This was going to be hard on both of us. At least, strangely, we were in this together.

He seemed so happy when he saw me that I couldn't help but remember all the good times we had shared. I was surprised he had agreed to this in the first place. But in a way it seemed like the only option left for us.

His hand rested on my back as he opened the door and guided me inside the centre. Him touching me felt familiar, it felt safe. Even when our names were called out at the desk I didn't panic or regret coming here. It felt right.

Meredith Fell came in smiling and offered us a beverage. She must have been the same age as us, and seemed like a lovely woman. Brunette, beautiful, smart... She sat down, trying to make some light conversation about the weather and then her tone of voice became all serious.

'So, this is your first counselling session, correct?' Stefan and I looked at each other and we both felt unable to answer.

'I know first-timers when I see them. I hope I haven't made you uncomfortable.'

'Not at all.' Replied Stefan trying to be as polite as he could.

'I have to warn you... this isn't going to be an easy process. Every couple responds differently to counselling. There is no exact formula that I can use to make things go smooth and work the first time around.' I took her words in feeling all of a sudden like this was a crude awakening.

'We trust your judgement Dr Fell.' Again, Stefan had replied breaking my silence.

'Please call me Meredith.' She said smiling at both of us.

'Now, I have to ask – why have you decided to take up counselling?' She looked towards me expectantly.

'To work on saving our marriage.' Stefan replied right away.

'Did you have the initiative to start counselling sessions?' Meredith didn't bother asking me this time around.

'No, that was Elena's idea.' And that made her look at me again.

'Tell me, Elena... why do you feel that you need to work on your marriage?'

Meredith looked straight at me. I couldn't say she intimidated me or put me on the spot. In fact there was something about her – she was sympathetic and gentle, as if she understood what we were going through. Probably the best qualities you could wish in a marriage counsellor.

But I still felt incredibly uncomfortable. I couldn't help but avoid her gaze and I found myself staring at my hands as they clenched together. I felt the unbearable need to bite my nails – a habit I had given up on two decades ago.

All of a sudden I felt like I was trapped. I realized I didn't want to be here after all. I didn't want to talk to a stranger about our problems – not because I didn't think it would help us. No, it ran deeper than that.

'Elena?' Meredith gently asked, and I could see Stefan turning to look at me, a concerned look on his face.

If I could, I would've gotten up in that very moment and run far far away. I didn't want to go through it all again – to re-live every moment of it. All the pain and embarrassment and self-doubt were coming back and I couldn't do anything to stop them. I knew I had chosen to come here but somehow I feared that it would do more harm than good. I didn't feel safe anymore, instead I felt vulnerable and afraid - of what we may say, of what may happen to us if we didn't succeed.

I took a deep breath, dug my nails into my hands and braced myself as I answered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 **\- Stefan -**

* * *

 _It's funny how people who hurt you the most are the ones that swore they never would._

* * *

'Elena?' Meredith asked again gently. I turned and stared at Elena as she struggled to find the words.

I could recognize those signs from a mile away – her breath would quicken, she would start fiddling with her hands, and would look generally uncomfortable. A little frown would appear on her forehead, and there would be absolutely no trace of the person I generally knew.

I started worrying as I saw her anxiety attack building up inside of her.

She had suffered from these attacks ever since... No, I didn't really want to think about that. Not here and especially not now.

I had been with her ever since whenever she went through these attacks – they were gruesome to watch, as it tortured her not to be in control of herself. Over time she stopped confiding in me but I had grown so used to all her little habits that I knew her inside out. I wanted to help, I truly did, but I knew that trying to help her in front of someone else – especially a stranger like Meredith – would annoy her. She was a very proud person – proud and stubborn. With a great deal of character.

As I observed her struggling to talk, I couldn't help but have a flashback. It only took a few seconds but it brought back so many memories - all at once and all too quickly.

 _ **October 1999**_

 _I still remember the first day I met Elena – she walked into the Mystic Grill with her head held high and a big smile on her face. She was holding Damon's hand and beneath that confident facade I realized that deep down she was utterly nervous. It was the first time Damon would introduce her to someone in the family. Knowing Damon, he had probably told her how important family was to him. And the pressure of meeting me was visible in her behavior – but she did beautifully._

' _It's lovely to meet you, Stefan' She kindly said shaking my hand and smiling. ' Damon has told me a lot about you.'_

' _All bad, I assume.' I joked trying to lighten the mood. I was nervous myself surprisingly – it was the first time I'd ever heard Damon referring to a girl as his 'girlfriend'. Damon had a good heart deep down but he was the kind of guy who would date, not the kind of guy that you would see in a relationship._

' _Probably not as bad as the stories you are going to tell me about him.' I laughed out loud and turned to face Damon who was dreading me opening the secret box of 'Damon stories'._

' _She's a keeper.' I told him sincerely._

 _She was a true gem – she was beautiful, smart and had a sense of humor. Somehow, despite the differences between her and Damon they seemed to fit together perfectly, like they were made for one another. I don't think I'd ever seen Damon so happy like the moments when he looked at Elena._

 _It was strange seeing my little brother all grown up – I was used to the crazy party-animal Damon, not the Damon who would act so gently and considerately towards a girl. Certainly not the Damon who would sneakily kiss his girlfriend when he thought I wasn't looking._

 _When Elena excused herself to go to the bathroom Damon and I were left alone. I couldn't help myself._

' _What I want to know is how you got a girl like her.' I said and knew right away that I was teasing him. Damon shifted in his seat, smiling more than I'd ever seen him smile._

' _It just happened.' Yet I knew that was a lie - he hadn't just gotten her, he had probably fought very hard for her._

' _Did you trick her into dating you?' I carried on teasing._

' _This might come as a surprise to you, Stefan, but she fully agreed to go out with me without me pulling any tricks.' His defensiveness told me one thing, that he cared about her - I smiled realizing that._

 _As I said goodbye to them that night I couldn't help but feel like I envied my little brother. He seemed to have found the perfect match in Elena. It was still early days but I could tell he was completely smitten with her. I couldn't blame him one bit. She was indeed a keeper._

 _Two days later I woke up to a knock on my apartment door. I thought I was dreaming and turned one the other side, yet the knocking persisted. I looked at my clock and instantly felt annoyed as I saw it was 3am. I groaned as I got out of bed and looked through the peephole to see Damon standing on the corridor. He looked disheveled and not himself at all._

 _I opened the door in a rush and he just stared at me looking completely lost._

' _Damon, what's wrong?' I asked in a panic._

' _I think I love her.' He said sheepishly._

 _It took me a while to process that information and realize that nobody had been injured or was dying, and that Damon was just going through an emotional turmoil._

' _Come in.' I let him walk in and slammed the door behind me._

' _Do you want something to drink?' I asked and went straight to the bourbon I knew he liked. I didn't feel guilty giving him alcohol anymore as he would soon turn 21._

' _No, thanks.' He said, all too seriously. I turned around questioningly and suddenly woke up from my sleepy state altogether._

' _Ok, this is serious.' I said and put down the bourbon._

' _This is not the time for jokes, Stefan.' I looked at Damon and realized this was really important for him. I sat down next to him and struggled to be as patient and understanding as I possibly could in this state._

' _I'm not joking, Damon... I'm listening.' I said and hoped he would trust me enough to talk to me about this._

 _Damon wanting to open up to me was indeed a rare occurrence. We had always been close ever since we were kids. We were like the three musketeers, but two instead of three if that makes any sense. We shared everything with each other, though when it came to emotional matters I was more open than Damon. I was only five years older than Damon, and counter-intuitively it should've been the other way around, but it felt like he was the older brother sometimes, always giving me advice about girls. Well, not anymore. Apparently the reason he could always give me advice was because he wasn't emotionally involved._

 _Damon sat on the edge of my sofa with his fists clenched together and all of a sudden he looked at me with the most dumbstruck expression on his face._

' _I love her.' He stated and looked like he was in shock._

' _That's normal, Damon.' I said in a gentle tone._

' _We've been dating for four weeks.' He sounded almost incredulous._

' _Sometimes you just know straight away.' I said from experience. 'It doesn't take a lot to get you to fall in love with someone.' It had happened to me before. And now she just wanted us to be friends._

' _I've never felt like this about anyone...' I knew that all too well – this was indeed a first for my little brother._

' _I've never met anyone like her before. I keep thinking I'll wake up one day and she'll be gone but... she doesn't seem to realize that she's too good for me.'_

 _Shock overwhelmed me as I stared at Damon, not knowing what to answer. I was so used to him being his normal overly-confident-brinking-on-arrogance self that I didn't see this coming. He was doubting himself._

' _Listen to me, Damon. She is not too good for you. Elena is a wonderful girl, and you two deserve each other. You have so much to offer her in return, you just don't realize it.' It took him a while to take this all in. He struggled to believe me, yet after a while he nodded and looked at me thankfully._

' _I don't know what to do.' He said and reminded me of the little kid that would steal my toys and hide them to convince me to play hide-and-seek with him._

 _I was so grateful that he had decided to trust me with such an important moment in his life - it meant the world to me. I told him in my most sincere tone:_

 _'Just let her in.'_

 **Present day**

'Elena, are you ok?' Meredith asked pulling me out of my day-dream. I looked back at Elena and decided to do one simple gesture to show her I was ok with her telling Meredith the truth.

I took her hand in mine.

My gesture seemed to startle her but she looked deep into my eyes and a small smile appeared on her lips, her frown completely gone. My heart swelled inside me. I smiled back and she looked towards Meredith.

'Stefan and I... we lost ourselves along the way. And we don't know how to go back to the way things were.'

'Can you expand on that, Elena?' Meredith gently asked and Elena took a deep breath.

'He cheated on me half a year ago.' I internally cringed as I expected her to either cry or lash out, or leave the room altogether. And I expected Meredith to look at me and think I was a pig – just like the rest of the world had thought and told me. Surprisingly, none of those things happened. Elena carried on and she sounded more honest than I'd ever heard her.

'But... I don't blame him for it. The truth is that I haven't been the perfect wife in a very long time.'

Somehow Elena still managed to surprise me, even after all these years.

'I know I blamed him for everything that has gone bad, but I was lying to myself. I'm just as guilty as he was.' I carried on staring at her, not knowing what to say.

'What do you mean by that, Elena?' Meredith asked seeming intrigued by this turn of events.

It took Elena a long time to respond.

'I simply stopped trying.' There was pain in her voice as she confessed.

'Elena...' I said trying to make her stop.

'It's true. I stopped trying. And I'm going to try to do better by you.' She said looking straight at me.

She looked... guilty if anything. For what, I wasn't exactly sure. She didn't give away anything else after this point in time. If I didn't know better I would've said she was trying to defend me by telling Meredith that she was to blame as well. But deep down I knew she was being honest. It was very unexpected to hear her saying all of this, especially after the last few months.

The rest of the session went by in a blur. By the end of that hour I was feeling incredibly tired and didn't want to go back to the office. But it was midday and I had exhausted my lunch break on the counselling session. On my way back to the firm I couldn't help but think about delving into the past for a split second.

Why I had been thinking of my brother in that particular moment, I couldn't say for sure. It was very strange. There were many moments during my marriage with Elena that I would look at her and she would remind me of Damon. Painful moments – moments that I would strive to forget, almost as if I was trying to erase them from my mind with a huge rubber gum. Him and Elena were so linked in my head that I could never separate them.

Despite not talking to Damon for ten whole years I could never say that I didn't care about him. In fact, I would find myself thinking about him every single day, wondering if he was safe and finally happy. Elena never mentioned him anymore and I didn't want to remind any of us about what had happened. Our marriage had been founded on Damon disappearing out of or lives and somehow we had managed to move on – torturingly so, but we had managed it. To bring him up would mean that our peace and quiet would be at risk and I had already ruined that with my affair.

Instead I rejoiced in talking to mother often about Damon – despite her disapproving my marriage with Elena, she had accepted it and would still keep me in the loop regarding Damon. It was comforting to know that he was alright but ever since mother had gotten ill I knew nothing about him. For all I knew he could be dead. I shuddered at the thought and stopped myself from thinking that.

After pulling into the parking space I took my briefcase and got onto the elevator for the 46th floor. As the doors opened the name of our firm came up 'Mikaelson Salvatore'. To this day it would still amaze me that I had made senior partner in the firm. And I would smile every day I got off the elevator and walked into my corner office.

My secretary April would generally greet me with a smile and a quick update about everything under the sun. She had been Rebekah's replacement after what had happened. And every day I saw her I thanked God that she didn't remind one bit of that woman I'd wronged my wife with.

Yet today April looked troubled as she greeted me. Even worse, she looked very pale and worried, her big blue eyes looking like they were going to bulge out of their sockets.

'What's wrong?' I asked immediately. My first thought went out to my mother.

'There's someone waiting for you in your office.'

'Who?'

'I don't know – he wouldn't say his name. He just walked in asking about you. I told him you were away for lunch but he barged into your office and has been in there ever since.'

'April why didn't you call security?' I asked, amazed at how naive and silly she was.

'Because he said he is part of the US military.'

I looked at her as she blinked a hundred times in a few seconds.

'What?!'

'I'm sorry, Stefan. I didn't know what to do...' She looked as if she was going to cry.

'It's fine – I'll deal with him.'

I walked towards my office half-dreading whatever it was that awaited me there. As I got closer, through the transparent walls I saw the back of a man wearing a blue shirt and black pants. He was very still, staring out my window. I didn't think much of it until I opened the door and he turned around, making me freeze in the middle of the office.

'Damon.' I managed to utter, feeling like I was seeing a ghost.

He smiled and his blue-grey eyes pierced mine. Strangely enough, it was as if his eyes told the story of a man who had absolutely nothing to lose.

'Hello, brother.'


End file.
